Darth Vader: Disgruntled Mid-Level Bureaucrat

Caution, mild Force Awakens spoiler ahead.

A colleague lamented that it didn't make sense that Kylo Ren would be so easily defeated if he is supposedly the heir to Darth Vader. I'm sorry, are we thinking of the same Darth Vader?

Darth Vader didn't even have a real position in the empire. He hung out at real meetings in which all the real participants wore uniforms, had titles like General, and sat at the table. Meanwhile,  "Lord" Vader stood in the back and whined about not getting his way and made excuses for his failures, which were many.

The Death Star water cooler gossip no doubt frequently mocked how Darth was only there because of some family connection. Lord of what? they teased. Inherited some Lord-ship from a distant relative or something. He's so useless. Seriously, if one of us let the Death Star plans get away like that, do you think the Emperor would be as forgiving? No way. Our employee evaluation system sucks. If he gets promoted to Career Minister before I do, I swear I'm joining the rebellion.

Think about it, if Ren is the new Vader, then he has to fail at everything, just like Vader. I'm sure that when Vader told Grand Moff Tarkin that he couldn't get any information out of Leia, Tarkin was like, Of course not, you idiot. That's why I already have this other plan, because you always fail.

Having grown up as the brilliant Anakin, it must have been very frustrating for Vader to rise no higher than mid-level Empire bureaucrat with no real authority. When the others rightly pointed out that he failed and didn't know what he was talking about, his response was, Yeah, well, I can choke you from across the room, so who failed now? And Tarkin had to tolerate it long enough for Vader to think he had won the argument so he wouldn't go tattling to the Emperor. Then Tarkin told him to knock it off. Tarkin was no doubt tired of having his able technocrats choked to death by the disgruntled peacock.

No, Vader was no master of evil. He was a mid-life crisis suffering washed out former Jedi attempting to re-live his glory days as enabled by his doting patron, the Emperor.

The Force Awakens Theories (with spoilers)

I am about to spoil the heck out of it. So stop reading now if you haven't seen it yet. Which would prompt the question, what else could you have been doing?

I loved it. Cheered out loud several times. The few negative reviews I've seen complained that it was too similar in its plot points to Episode IV. To me, this was the beauty and joy of it. And it also leaves loads of clues. I hatched some theories today, which I will present here. Yeah, yeah, my kids are fine. But I have Star Wars theories!

Disclaimer: I haven't read any books or comics. All I know is the movies. Nor have I read any of the various theory blogs out there. So forgive me if I'm redundant. Here we go.

So, there are all these parallels with Episode IV. The Death Star, only bigger, and so forth. This includes characters with similar arcs and playing similar roles. Most obviously, right off the bat, was BB8 as R2D2, carrying the secret message.

Then, Rey was positioned as the new Luke. She has nascent force ability. She dresses like him. She lives on a desert planet without a family. She ends up with BB8 (R2D2). She's the new Luke.

But then it gets a little less clear, it least to me. I had to think about it a little bit. Because, if Rey is Luke, who is the new Obi-Wan? Han Solo, that's who. Obi-Wan was Luke's guide and mentor on the adventure and was killed, giving himself up to Darth Vader. Totally Han Solo. He is Rey's guide and mentor and gives himself up to Kylo Ren, the new Vader. Han is Obi-Wan and Ren is Vader.

So, who's the new Princess Leia? That would be Poe Dameron. He's the one who gave BB8 (R2D2) the message. This leads me to suspect a twist in which Poe and Rey, rather than Ren and Rey, turn out to be brother and sister. Or maybe they are twin younger siblings of Ren.

Finn is the new Han Solo. He's Rey's (Luke's) buddy and has questionable motives and tries to leave at one point but decides to come back to help out. And, of course, Luke is now Yoda, the one Rey (Luke) goes to for Jedi training; the last remaining Jedi Master.

Having parallel plot, themes, and character arcs appears to be a guiding motif. The idea, basically, is that there are the original characters, and then there are shadows or types of the original characters incarnated as the new characters. This leads us to ask, where is Lando? Where is Boba Fett? Is the motif meant to give us correct clues or to throw us off the trail?

I can't put all the pieces together though. There is clearly more to Finn's story. He is a traitor. Darth Vader calls Leia a traitor at the beginning of Episode IV. Captain Phasma seemed pretty eager to get Finn reassigned to her division so she could...not really punish him at all. Also, she was pretty easy to convince about putting down the shields. Not to mention Gwendoline Christie got way too much press to be such a small piece of the puzzle. So Phasma is a spy for the resistance, or maybe a third party with her own agenda. Perhaps she is a sith, or a Mandalorian. Perhaps she is the new Boba Fett. Perhaps Finn is Lando's son. Perhaps Snoke is the original Boba Fett, half digested by the Sarlac, or whatever that thing was called.

My Favorite Things 2015 Edition

Things I discovered, experienced for the first time, or otherwise fell in love with during 2015:

1. Todoist. This is overtaking Evernote as my personal assistant killer app. I've been using it for a few years, but this year I realized I could input household inventory without due dates and then prioritize to assess upcoming budget needs. So awesome. Also, custom filters based on location, the device I'm using, and how much time I have mean I never waste a moment, unless I want to.
2. Cinderella (2015). Mock if you must, but this movie is charming.
3. The Luminaries. The 2013 Man Booker prize winner vaulted straight to the top of my all-time favorite book list along with Ender's Game and Crime and Punishment.
4. Western Austria (Tirol). Europe's longest Alpine Coaster. Dramatic mountains and waterfalls, all with well-mapped hiking/biking trails. Family friendly swimming pools (indoor and outdoor with water slides). Schnitzel with cranberries.
5. The Wright Brothers. After listening to the audiobook of the recent biography, these guys are my heroes.

Christmas Playlist 2015 Additions

Check these out if you don't have them already:

1. Jingle Bell Rock, Bobby Helms
2. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, Casting Crowns
3. White Christmas, Michael Buble (with Shania Twain)
4. Deck the Halls, St. Patrick's Hope Choir
5. Jolly Old St. Nicholas, Chet Atkins
6. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, She & Him
7. Joy to the World, Sufjan Stevens
8. Silver Bells, Martina McBride
9. Ave Maria, Stevie Wonder

Talking to My Kids About ISIS

Our family talked a lot recently about terrorism, and about ISIS specifically. I got into a lot of details that I really didn't want to discuss with my little innocents, but the news was on, it was horrible, and they were asking questions. So it was time.

Then Madeline said, "I hate ISIS. I want to do something to stop them. What can I do?"

As a father, I was proud of her instinct and courage, but I was stumped in practical terms. After a moment, I simply told her to be good. "I think," I suggested, "that every act of kindness is an act of counter-terrorism. So be good. At all costs and at all times, be good and kind and loving." Then, because there is a hawk that stirs my soul at times such as these, I added, "And pray for our warriors who are fighting them head on."

The Pakistan Chord

We have a piano. It is not a very good piano. Old. Banged up. Several keys out of tune.

No one plays our piano. It is a decorative piece. Basically our piano is a table for the router. It is also heavy.

We move a lot. When we move, we have a weight limit. There are many things I could ship in place of a 400 pound router table with keys. So when an offer came to give it away, it was a no brainer.

The first attempt to give it away failed when scaffolding associated with our new siding and windows thwarted efforts to remove it via the window.

A second attempt was scheduled for this week. We informed the kids that it was going. Their response was unexpected.

Madeline wept. Katie and I exchanged a puzzled look.

"That piano is Virginia," Maddie explained. "I took lessons when dad was in Pakistan. We all took lessons together when he was in Pakistan. That piano is what we did together in Virginia when dad was gone. How can you do this? You can't just take that from me. If you take the piano, I'll forget Virginia."

The piano delivery was cancelled. I love my router table.

Trick or Treat Results Prompt Tax Debate

Madeline, dressed as Artemis Queen of the Forest (shown previously), departed early, teamed with friends, and systematically acquired candy from all participating apartments. Caleb and Henry (death and zombie, respectively) stayed with the parental units, to their candy gathering detriment.

Zombie, with a hint of Joker (accidentally)

Caleb reprised last year's Death

The parent-led party, predictably, pursued a leisurely pace, avoided multiple visits to the same distributor, visited with friends, and so forth. The boys' candy haul faced additional headwinds when their group decided to vacate the gathering process in favor of the haunted house. Alas, the house was a bit too haunted (it was the crazy clown) and we exited mid-tour. Thus, anticipated positive candy-for-fun trade offs did not materialize.

Upon returning home, Madeline revealed that her go-without-grown-ups strategy had yielded superior candy returns, even after paying "mom and dad" fees in the form of Butterfingers and Almond Joys.

Caleb and Henry informed their board, at family council, that they intend to seek remedy in the form of a confiscatory candy-tax regime overseen by mom with regular candy distribution.

Artemis, Queen of the Goalie Box

The FIS Warriors had two games this weekend, both against Zurich International School. Madeline again split time at goalkeeper and defense. The Zurich team was very tactical and had a set play to split the defenders any time the defense tried to press the off-side line away from the goal. They ran it successfully six times in the first half resulting in six instances of Goalkeeper Maddie one-on-one against their striker. She stopped three of the six attacks, which to me is a success under the circumstances.

Between games, I coached her on coming out of the goal and charging the ball in such circumstances. In the second game, she charged the ball and surrendered no goals.

Also, last night was her first dance ever, a costume dance at the school. I discovered after the dance that we have entered the Full On Tween Drama phase of parenting and growing up. This phase arrives without warning after the brief transitional Still A Kid But Hints of Drama phase. Can't share the details because, privacy, but, wow, drama!

All made up as Artemis for the dance

Is It Safe

Dentistry is basically the socially acceptable outlet for sociopaths. Like what Dexter should be doing. By the way, if you are not understanding the title of this post in this context, see Marathon Man.

Our dentist derived considerable apparent pleasure from the circumstance of one of Henry's fillings falling out. I, on the other hand, was troubled at a deep primordial level by the gaping hole left behind. Upon discovering the hole while helping Henry floss one night, I dug and dug, digging out ever more food that had taken the place of the filling. I had to get a sort of plastic pick to dig ever deeper. It was just awful. Decay, for me, is the emotional equivalent of finger nails on the chalk board.

The dentist, upon observing the yawning gap of hellish decay, was gleeful. When his work was done he pumped his fist and congratulated himself. "That is a really good filling," he said aloud.

Meanwhile, to update on other events for grandparents and similarly interested readers, Madeline learned early in the week that she would be playing goalie for the first time on Friday. She was a nervous wreck and sought every excuse to skip the game. She did not want to let the team down in a very visible position. Not to mention she is the shortest player on the team and appears in her yellow goalkeeper's jersey like a canary on the sill of the goal's window.

In the end she performed quite admirably with four stops and one goal allowed when her sweeper failed to make what should have been a routine stop of the advancing player. Having received many cheers and congratulations, she is suddenly quite optimistic about continuing at the position.

Henry vs His Thumb (and other photos)

Henry decided he was ready to stop sucking his thumb. He allowed me for the first time to apply the nasty tasting "thumb polish" (as he calls it) before he went to bed. This was five days ago and he has not sucked his thumb since. This is very good. Of course, what he does not know is that this means his orthodontic regime is about to commence.

He said to me the other day, "Dad, I told my friends my secret about my thumb."

"That you're trying to stop sucking it?"

"No, I told them my secret that I suck my thumb."

"OK."

"They said they already knew."

In other news, Western Austria (Tirol) is my favorite place on earth.

Atop Zugspitze

Happy 70th Mom

We celebrated mom's birthday first at Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau castles, as shown below.

Then we ascended Germany's highest peak, Zugspitze, and sang Happy Birthday while freezing in the wind.

Finally, a Tyrollean dinner and birthday cake to end the day.

We worked them hard. Lots of hiking. Loads of stairs to and from castles. I'm proud of my septuagenarian parents.