Saw VIII: The Orthodontist

The gym of the Amman Marriott has treadmills equipped with small television sets right in front of your face. They automatically turn on when you step on the treadmill. I've run on them approximately 84 times, but still can't figure out how to change the channel or even turn it off.

So one morning this past July, my most recent Jordan trip, I stepped on the treadmill and was presented the choice of running while watching a supremely distasteful horror gore bloodfest movie, or not running. My commitment to the run won the day, but at a high price. I don't watch horror films, ever. Hate them. This opinion was confirmed.

Fast forward to yesterday. Katie is explaining to me the details, with photos and charts, of what the orthodontist is planning to do to Caleb's mouth. It was like a flashback to the treadmill. I've seen this movie before!

We have to turn a crank every day that slowly splits his jaw in half. What kind of sadistic torture is this! Then they say, all casual like, "Bone and cartilage will eventually just fill in the gap we create in the roof of his mouth." Wait, what?

I've often wondered why these terrible movies even have a market. Now I know: Orthodontists.

Who Misses a Flight to Disney World?

We were on vacation anyway when the evacuation was announced. In fact, we were in the Sawtooth Mountains of Idaho and didn't even know of the "counter revolution" until three days after it happened.

We were in the midst of a typically Tim-Hart-overplanned summer fun extravaganza, mapped out in five minute increments for each of 18 days (I exaggerate only slightly). This meticulous and glorious detail included these ill-fated numerals: 0700 (yes, I plan in military time as it is way easier when up to 8 time zones are involved).

On the morning of our IDA to MCO (yes, I travel enough that I now think in airport codes, so to translate, that's Idaho Falls to Orlando) we were casually driving to the airport at 0600. As we neared the airport, Maddie said, "Cool, look at that plane taking off."

There just aren't that many flights out of Idaho Falls. It took about one second to realize this was bad. Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes and I saw clearly. I remembered the emails received one day prior: "Check in online now for your 6:00 am flight." Oops.

Funny (I use that word because otherwise I get too mad at myself) that writing 0700 on my master schedule created a confirmation bias so powerful that when I received that email, I understood it as "Check in by 6:00 am for your flight."

In any case, there remained the problem of not that many flights departing IDA. We couldn't get to MCO for two more days. Tears were shed. We began making alternative plans to just rent a car and drive to Disneyland that very day.

Ultimately, at the expense of time with Papa J (which had been scheduled to follow five days at Disney World), we were able to push back all Disney reservations two days to spend the same time there.

But seriously, who misses a flight to Disney World?

The Cairo Game

We could be going back in two weeks, in which case this two bedroom high-rise apartment is perfect because it is right at the metro stop and in the heart of shopping, restaurants, and entertainment. Or we could be going back in 4 months, in which case three kids in one room and constant fighting over who gets to push elevator buttons is just not going to cut it.

Two weeks: rental car. 4 months: buy a reasonable old car.

Two weeks: claim $600 evacuation allowance (once claimed you cannot have any items shipped). 4 months: have up to 700 pounds of our stuff shipped to us. Once shipped, it could take up to a month to arrive, by which time we could be back in Egypt, where we would wait up to a month for our stuff to be shipped back to us. Note that because we were on vacation when evacuation was announced, we have with us only what we took on vacation.

Not complaining, mind you. The evacuation per diem is generous. Just smiling about the quirks of the situation.

Idaho Trip Special Moments

Found a computer, had to get these out before I forgot.

Caleb, while a panoramic x-ray was being administered at the dentist: "Are you sure this isn't a mind control machine? How do I know I will still be me when this is over?"

And during his eye exam: "First of all, I'm going to need to know what all these weapons are for?"

Then Caleb and I conquered the roller coasters of Disney World. Maddie didn't want to. Henry was too short, and I don't suspect he really wanted to either. Caleb had been afraid of Space Mountain, but decided to try it when we saw no line early one morning. He was proud and thrilled when it was over. So then we conquered Expedition Everest. As a token of his bravery, he bought and wore proudly a pin representing the ride.

And then we just kept riding the "mountain rides" over and over. Each time he would say, just before the ride started, "Listen, dad, I'm not even going to scream."

More later.