Learning Is Perfect

I like looking at Michael. He is becoming more aware of the world around him. Every now and then, there is an expression on his face that says, "I just learned something new about the world." Then I wonder what he might have learned. This wondering makes me more thankful for colors, lights, trees, seasons, astral bodies, the smell of baby powder.

He has brought such peace to our family. He makes sense. Life can be complicated and sometimes hard to understand. But Michael makes sense.

He is perfect. Not perfected, but perfect. He learns. It is what he does. He can't help it. Learning is perfect. His learning sometimes takes place at 1 am, and again at 3 am. His learning taxes our physical stamina. But can I criticize him? Obviously no. Learning is perfect.

Then I think of my other kids. Teenage learning taxes emotional stamina, but can I really criticize? My Gramma Fairbourne once said, "I like teenagers. They are figuring out who they are." Michael is learning about place in the world while they are learning about their place in the world. They are learning. It is what they do. Learning is perfect.

Then I think of myself. I have accumulated a nice collection of insecurities and self-incriminations. Do I deserve them? As long as I am learning, no. I look at Michael and I let it all go. I am learning. Learning is perfect.

And sleep. Sleep is perfect.

Bucket o' Baby Pics

Moments after. Katie is amazing.

What do you do with it?

Leaving hospital

On Being An Old New Dad

Don't worry, there are lots of pics below. First, I like being an old(er) new dad. I really had no idea what I was doing when the first three were born, approximately 8 thousand years ago.

As I was explaining to Madeline last night, it is kind of unfair that she was raised by a low skill (if always well intentioned) father while Michael will be raised by a journeyman practitioner. Alas, the skills have been gained at great expense and effort--with so much yet to be learned! As Liz Wiseman would say, I'm working on my rookie smarts.

One thing that is, sadly, obvious as I look back at my 12 years of parenting is how easy it would be to never gain skills. I have typed, posted, re-typed, deleted, un-posted several follow up sentences to this thought. I keep deleting and changing as I realize just how different every family circumstance is. So, while I have lost all the cleverness of my first attempt, let me just say that my experience has been to feel powerful parenting peer pressure to double down on techniques that had already been ineffective for my family, thereby accepting an assumption that the problem was with my kids and not with the techniques, and thus to gain no parenting skills.

Accordingly, if there are any readers of this blog who might yet be persuadable, please understand that 1-2-3 Magic is not a brilliant parenting book. Maybe it works for some people, in which case, great. In my case, I felt like it worked contrary to all my instincts and put me in constant childish ego battles with my kids. It basically assumes that children are evil monkeys who must be (A) coerced into accepting that whatever vision the all-knowing grown ups around them have for their lives is perfect and non-negotiable, and (B) trained like dogs to follow that vision precisely.

Do you know what I'm not worried about this time? Whether and for how long the kid sleeps in my bed. Seriously, I just don't care where the kid sleeps.

In addition, the economics have improved. I work for the government, of course, so we're not rich, but we've gotten ourselves comfortable. Aside from braces, which are just a total budget killer, just about anything we really want can be obtained after a few months of thoughtful planning (assuming we don't want a Ferrari). That was certainly not always true.

And we now have a cat.

And having older kids go through this experience with us is like seeing it all with fresh eyes for the first time. I love it.

Katie was super human in the delivery room. Hours after giving birth she was telling me I looked tired and suggesting I get some rest. She's cute that way. However, Katie has not yet approved publication of any post-birth pictures of her.

Here is Michael William:

Turns Out, I'm Funny

Caleb: I want what rumor has. You know, since rumor always has it.
Me: That's funny. Where'd you hear that.
Caleb: Dad, I got that from you.
Me: What?! Guess I'm really funny then. Huh...