Boss Caleb

While eating out at Texas Roadhouse Caleb said, "Look at the girls' table. Girls are so boring. They're just over there talking, talking talking. Look at me. I'm smashing peanuts on the table with my fist like a boss. Boys rule."

Also, some pics from running the Scenic River Classic in Idaho Falls:

Maddie Wins at Swim Meet and Final Day of Baseball Season

A Special Day for Caleb (in his words)

I felt joyful. The water was freezing. Then I felt the spirit inside. I felt warm even though the water was cold.

Opening Day

One upside of being the Division Coordinator for Caleb's league and coach of Henry's team is being able to pick the team names. So we are the Red Sox in both leagues.

The Henry Red Sox

Caleb's Red Sox played the Yankees. Red Sox won, but it was more of a friendly (I suppose they all are at this level, but this game especially so since confusion led to not following the real league rules).  Caleb played great. It was fun to see so much improvement from last year. Caleb was one of the weak players last year and one of the strong players this year.

Henry's Red Sox also played the Yankees. In his tee ball league, there are only two teams, so he will play the Yankees 8 times. No outs. Everyone bats. We don't keep score. And it is super fun. Just a lot of cheering for the kids as they battle their own teammates for the ball and score runs.

Should be a great year of Red Sox baseball.

The Untalented Are Too Talented

Basketball season ends this week. On to little league. I am division coordinator for the 7 and 8 year old baseball division, or Minor A as we call it, and Head Coach for Henry's 5 and 6 year old tee ball team.

As division coordinator, I assemble the rosters. With limited knowledge of the kids, I attempted to fairly distribute talent, gender, and parent volunteers, all while making sure everyone on each team was available to practice on the same night. I spent, no exaggeration, 8 hours on this task today after spending 2 hours last night.

My first attempt last night was thwarted when a parent (and one of my coaches--it is my job to recruit volunteers) suggested that one team was unfairly loaded with talent only to then say she didn't mind because she was going to coach in a different division anyway. Back to the drawing board.

So I sorted that out this morning and then discovered that I had put down the wrong days of availability for my new head coach, so none of the players assigned to him would be able to attend practice. Back to the drawing board. Then I received concerns that the team previously identified as too talented did not have enough talent.

In a curious twist, the players identified as too talented were also the players identified as insufficiently talented. Which made the solution simple. I solved both problems by swapping out those two players. Someone will turn out to be right and the other will lose a lot of baseball games.

Basketball Redemption

A player quit the team. This is regrettable. I felt really bad about it at first. But then a series of details came to light, which I will skip here because who knows who might end up reading my blog, and I feel totally exonerated.

Nevertheless, I still had to achieve basketball redemption with Caleb. Thus I conceived of the "hustle point." I told the team they would get a snack after the game, but only if the team achieved 50 hustle points. Players earn hustle points by doing any good thing that isn't shooting or scoring (e.g. rebounding, setting a screen, stealing a pass, making a good pass).

I tracked hustle points during the game and informed the kids of their totals during time outs and quarter breaks. This revealed to Caleb what I already knew, which is that he was contributing to the team despite not scoring. He was psyched to see he registered 4 hustle points in the 1st quarter. Energized, he re-entered the game and put forth his most vigorous effort yet, recording his first rebound and other positive feats.

The incentive had a similar effect on the other kids as well. They surpassed the 50 points required, won the game easily, and then happily consumed their cupcakes. And basketball is redeemed for Caleb as a valid pastime.

The Basketball Diaries

I am assistant coach, but I do a fair amount of the coaching. Head coach and I do not always see eye to eye, but I defer to him without argument because, you know, it's eight-year-old basketball.

I proposed a play to try to get the ball to players who don't usually have the ball and put them in a position to potentially score. I thought we might practice it for a few minutes each practice and then run it in the last few games of the season.

Then the practicing of this play occupied an entire practice, crowding out scrimmage and some drills. I thought it a tad excessive, but whatever. Then in the game, we only ran that play (which I found excessively excessive), and not to the players who don't usually get the ball but to the same kids who are already scoring anyway.

This is where things started to break down. Skipping much detail, I am now fielding complaints from within my own home and from other parents regarding the handling of the team (not sharing the ball enough). I don't mind feedback, but because I am the more vocal coach during games--calling time outs, making defensive adjustments, etc--the feedback is coming to me. I don't really know what to do with it on account of, I agree with it but I have been deferring to the head coach.

But I guess I need to be a bit less deferential because Caleb, who started the season loving basketball, now says he hates it and it is a battle to prevent him quitting the team. To me, at this age, this is coaching failure.

Ugh. Basketball, for eight-year-olds. Who knew it could occupy so much emotional attention.

Caleb Goes Green (Movie)

Super Bowl All Nighter

The Super Bowl starts at 1:30 am Monday morning in Cairo. I discovered last year that this circumstance is an awesome opportunity to impart NFL culture to my children. For better or worse, I am almost as eager to pass on a legacy of enjoying American football as I am to pass on the legacy of my religious faith. Indeed, football is practically a religion. Some might say you could remove "practically" from that sentence. I digress.

Staying up all night, to my kids, is just about the coolest thing they can imagine. So if I let them stay up all night, one time per year, to watch the Super Bowl A) they will watch the Super Bowl, 2) they will think the Super Bowl is awesome, and b) they will think I am awesome. There was a subtle homage to Home Alone right there, for those who care.

We went to a friend's house to watch via their Slingbox so we could enjoy the commercials. We only have Armed Forces Network on which the commercials consist of PSAs reminding soldiers that sexual assault during motor pool is not appropriate, which was news to me.

Caleb was cheering for the Broncos. About two minutes into the second quarter he said, "Did I mention that actually, secretly, I was really cheering for the Seahawks all along?"

I did not take Henry to the party. He slept through the night. This was per Katie's request. So when he awoke to discover the game and party were over, he was mad. I entertained the idea of taking one for the team, for about three seconds, then I realized my great opportunity to enhance my status vis a vis Katie and also teach the importance of always telling the truth no matter what.

"Sorry, buddy. That was mom's idea. I wanted to wake you up, but she said no." Broncos lost. Dad won.

Family Dance Party

I typed "The family dance party is" and then Maddie walked up behind me and auto-completed the sentence with "always a disaster."

I was going to be more positive. I generally enjoy the event. Last night the kids chose teams. Henry was odd child out as Maddie and Caleb paired up and assigned him to mom and dad's team. He was distraught. "But they can't dance!"

"You wanna bet?" Katie and I declared as we started busting our moves. The children looked on, incredulous. Finally, Henry said, "It looks like you're hurting yourself."

Herding Cats

I am back in the coaching business. This time, 7- and 8-year-olds and basketball. We had our first practice last week. This was an education, more so for me regarding the extreme degree of complexity inherent in basketball drills when put upon the 7-year-old mind than regarding the kids and their basketball skills. A transcript of the practice might read something like this:

Okay, make two lines. No, two lines. Here and here. No here. (kids' voices, balls bouncing) No, you go over here. Two lines. (balls bouncing) Just one ball. Put that ball down. (kids' voices). Just one… No TWO lines, ONE ball. (muttering)

This line…you guys move over here…this line shoots, this line…you guys move over there… rebounds…then you…you guys stay over there…then you switch sides. No, stay over there. Switch sides AFTER you shoot.

Okay, go ahead, you shoot. Good. Now, you…no you don't rebound, you go to the other line, you…no, not you…you rebound. Okay, good, no pass it to the other line…you guys stay over there…and go behind to the back of that line. Nope, other line. To the back. The back. Behind…okay, good.

All right, next, go ahead and shoot…no not you, this line shoots, this line rebounds. Go ahead. You have to rebound, come on. No you're in that line, go to the….

Coach Hart?

Yes.

What's a rebound?

Ahh...

Welcome to Adulthood, My Son

On the way to Tae Kwon Do last night, Caleb was explaining to me about television. It went something like this:

"Dad, you know how on the Disney Channel, when they tell a joke, a bunch of invisible people start laughing?"

"Yeah."

"Well, so on Victorious, which isn't the Disney Channel, but they still have the invisible laughing people, they told a joke, and it wasn't funny. I mean, like, not even close to funny. Like, it wasn't even really a joke. I mean, you wouldn't know it was a joke, except that the invisible people started laughing. So dad, I don't think the invisible people are really laughing the same as you and me. It's just fake to make you like the show. Did you know that?"

Laugh track awareness. Sigh. My little boy's all grown up.

New Years in Luxor Photos

First of all, vacationing in Luxor was awesome. Please go! They need it. The resort was fantastic but it was sad to hear them talk about how they are usually sold out for New Year's Eve months in advance. Meanwhile, occupancy this last week was about ten percent. So I feel like I need to cheer lead for Luxor. Totally safe. Fresh air (as opposed to Cairo). Loved it.

Henry on the bank of the Nile

Queen Hatshepsut's temple

Tour guide gives us the scoop

Katie demonstrating her mad cap improv dance skills in front of Luxor temple

Taking advantage of resort sidewalks (a feature notoriously absent in Cairo)

Making alabaster items

Collosi of Memnon

Caleb welcomes you to Karnak Temple

Maddie inside Karnak Temple

In Which More Bragging (To Be Fair)

Also last week, Caleb advanced a belt in Tae Kwon Do to yellow with green stripe. In doing so, he memorized his third pumse in about five minutes. Good chance you don't know what that means, so I'll just tell you, it's impressive.

And Madeline won the dance contest at the super-birthday-party-dance-party (like father like daughter*).

* Groove is in the heart

Saturday Extracurricular Update

Henry Soccer Game: The other team had a ringer, but Henry nearly neutralized him with several excellent defensive plays. Henry scored his side's lone goal with an end-to-end dribble, fighting through several tackle attempts and following his blocked first shot with a rebound strike. The effort fell short in a 3-1 loss.

Maddie/Caleb Tennis Lesson: I observed Caleb swinging with his right hand. So I pointed out to the coach that he is a lefty.

"For me," the coach said, "he is right-handed."

"Okay. I've only lived with him his entire life and you've coached him for five minutes, so you'd be the one to know."

So the coach did what he called "a little test" in which he told Caleb to catch the tennis ball with his right hand. When Caleb was successful, coach said, "See, he is right-handed."

What?

But anyway, I'm not trying to raise the next Roger Federer, so, whatever.

Pinewood Derby: Caleb first place for the Wolf Den and second place overall.

Not a Competitive Bone in His Body

 

Observe Caleb the Barbarian near the end of the clip

Caught on Video

Caleb does the robot: