On Being An Old New Dad

Don't worry, there are lots of pics below. First, I like being an old(er) new dad. I really had no idea what I was doing when the first three were born, approximately 8 thousand years ago.

As I was explaining to Madeline last night, it is kind of unfair that she was raised by a low skill (if always well intentioned) father while Michael will be raised by a journeyman practitioner. Alas, the skills have been gained at great expense and effort--with so much yet to be learned! As Liz Wiseman would say, I'm working on my rookie smarts.

One thing that is, sadly, obvious as I look back at my 12 years of parenting is how easy it would be to never gain skills. I have typed, posted, re-typed, deleted, un-posted several follow up sentences to this thought. I keep deleting and changing as I realize just how different every family circumstance is. So, while I have lost all the cleverness of my first attempt, let me just say that my experience has been to feel powerful parenting peer pressure to double down on techniques that had already been ineffective for my family, thereby accepting an assumption that the problem was with my kids and not with the techniques, and thus to gain no parenting skills.

Accordingly, if there are any readers of this blog who might yet be persuadable, please understand that 1-2-3 Magic is not a brilliant parenting book. Maybe it works for some people, in which case, great. In my case, I felt like it worked contrary to all my instincts and put me in constant childish ego battles with my kids. It basically assumes that children are evil monkeys who must be (A) coerced into accepting that whatever vision the all-knowing grown ups around them have for their lives is perfect and non-negotiable, and (B) trained like dogs to follow that vision precisely.

Do you know what I'm not worried about this time? Whether and for how long the kid sleeps in my bed. Seriously, I just don't care where the kid sleeps.

In addition, the economics have improved. I work for the government, of course, so we're not rich, but we've gotten ourselves comfortable. Aside from braces, which are just a total budget killer, just about anything we really want can be obtained after a few months of thoughtful planning (assuming we don't want a Ferrari). That was certainly not always true.

And we now have a cat.

And having older kids go through this experience with us is like seeing it all with fresh eyes for the first time. I love it.

Katie was super human in the delivery room. Hours after giving birth she was telling me I looked tired and suggesting I get some rest. She's cute that way. However, Katie has not yet approved publication of any post-birth pictures of her.

Here is Michael William:

Turns Out, I'm Funny

Caleb: I want what rumor has. You know, since rumor always has it.
Me: That's funny. Where'd you hear that.
Caleb: Dad, I got that from you.
Me: What?! Guess I'm really funny then. Huh...

Henry's Baptism

Henry turned eight the day after we left Germany. Because of the Byzantine rules of U.S. Foreign Service home leave and post transfer, we could not stay in Germany even one more day. So we were very sad that Henry could not be baptized there where his friends could come support him.

We contemplated doing it in Boston over the summer where family could attend, but Henry said he would rather get to Manila, make new friends, and then be baptized when his new friends could see it. Thus, three months after his eighth birthday, Henry was baptized on September 24.

It was a great event. The ward and Henry's friends came to show their support. Maddie and Caleb read letters from Gramma and Grampa about baptism and the Holy Ghost.

The water was a little cold, and when we were changing out of our wet clothes afterward, Henry said, "Well, that was terrible." But he was smiling and happy all the while.

Clean Chapel, Learn Gospel

I remember, with deep gratitude, my father teaching me how to work when I was young. Dad was a property manager. As I entered my early teenage years, he provided me with ample opportunity for employment. I mowed lawns, painted apartments, shampooed carpets, and so forth. When dad would come to inspect the work, he would often demonstrate how I should be achieving twice the results in half the time. Dad loves to work.

Now I’m a father and I want to teach my kids to work. My opportunities are limited. The nature of my housing assignments with the US government is such that I cannot pursue any do-it-yourself projects. My employment is primarily in “mind” work. We live in an urban environment that is foreign to how I grew up and work opportunities for my kids do not occur naturally.

Thus, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to clean our chapel every few months. The instruction for members to clean the chapel came from the prophet. So I am honored to participate. I am convinced that one of the reasons for this program was to teach work ethic. Other reasons surely included cost savings for the church and helping members feel a connection to their facilities that, increasingly, are not purchased with their direct contributions as was once the case. Of those reasons, the first, teaching work ethic, is the most valuable to me.

We cleaned the chapel a few weeks ago. Maddie was not excited about it. She did an adequate but not excellent job of cleaning the glass doors. So I explained to her that for the chapel, adequate simply isn’t good enough. It must be excellent. So I helped her do it again. She did not, at first, appreciate my "help." But as we went back and even redid the work of others who had been less careful, she and Caleb both started to feel the spirit of it. Caleb said, “I just feel so good when I can serve the Lord.” And Maddie, while she never said anything, eventually took to cleaning the outside windows, in the humid heat, without complaint and had a clearly improved affect when the project was over.

The gospel is a message of peace and forgiveness. It is also a call to hard work. I am thankful I can teach this principle by cleaning the chapel.

Because I Have Been Given Much

My fellow Mormons will be familiar with the children's song: "Because I have been given much, I too must give."

In the foreign service transfer process, one's belongings arrive at the new post in waves. About two weeks after arrival, you get the air shipment. We use this for sheets, pillows, kitchenware, the computer, and clothes that we didn't want to carry all summer in suitcases.

A few weeks after that, the boat shipment arrives with everything else. Our boat shipment was delivered yesterday. As with the previous two times this happened, I found myself thinking, I have way too much stuff.

This sentiment is especially poignant in a place like Manila, where the poverty is so apparent and ubiquitous. So we were thankful to be able to pass on many clothing and toy items to our housekeeper. Madeline joined in and really got the spirit when she saw the gratitude in the recipient's eyes. We gave away much.

Even having given away much, we still have so much. More than we need. I complain sometimes. The house we were assigned is our smallest since business school. The apartment building has two swimming pools, a gym, a hot tub, a game room. And I complain that Henry has no green space to kick a soccer ball.

So it was helpful to do some giving, see the gratitude, and thereby feel some gratitude of my own.

Pokemon Go Arrives in Manila

Tentacool, Squirtle, Polliwag. Welcome to the new vocabulary of Hart children leisure time. Pokemon Go has arrived in the Philippines.

"Pokemon Go is very fun," said Henry, an 8-year-old Poke-walker. He reported spending 30 minutes Saturday morning to catch 7 Pokemon.

"What makes it so popular is not just the game play, but you get to go outside and interact with other people," said Caleb, who first discovered Pokemon Go in Boston. "That's what makes it so addictive."

Henry (foreground), Madeline, and Caleb catch Pokemon in Bonifacio Global City.

Other updates

Here are the results from the swim team time trials: Sailfish. Maddie's times look good.

Caleb and I discovered the funniest thing ever: Guy On A Buffalo.

So This is Manila

It has rained every day.

My commute is five miles and 58 minutes.

We tried to get Katie a cell plan over the weekend. 3 hours later, we had secured a promise that a plan might be activated in the near future. On the other hand, our home wifi is faster than in Germany and much faster than in Cairo. This metric, home wifi speed, is my primary measure of quality of life, so I love Manila.

Everyone says hello all the time, which is disorienting after Germany.

Henry was very fascinated to discover that you can order corn at McDonalds.

No one drives their own car. Indeed, all the apartment buildings have rooms where the drivers hang out and watch TV and share gossip about their employers while they are waiting for a call to drive someone somewhere.

The school administrators and teachers are excessively friendly. Madeline has joined style club (I don't know what that means in practice) and made one of the advanced swim teams. Caleb joined drama and chess clubs. Henry is signed up for basketball and soccer.

The Disney Pics (Belated)

I like this one because the woman behind Maddie and Caleb really doesn't want to be on that rollercoaster

Maddie found the Expedition Everest camera!

Henry's first rollercoaster ride. He caught the spirit quickly.

Fantastic beard!

Not sure why my head looks enormous, but a nice pic nonetheless 

Caleb is all zen waiting for Space Mountain to start

Trip Cursed, Family Blessed

As some will have read previously, I lost my passport back in May. This set in motion a perfect storm of unusual circumstances that, if these had been the only complications with our move to Manila, would have provided ample material for tales of a woebegone endeavor.

The passport issue was resolved with significant assistance from the folks at the Special Issuance Agency and a 5 am to 9 pm same-day Boston to New York City train trip for me 10 days prior to scheduled departure to Manila.

Alas, this was not all. We found out, late, that we could not ship our cat on the same flight (because Hong Kong has insane quarantine rules for animals). So we had to ship Tiger separately at about three times the cost of having him as a "checked bag" on our flight.

I had understood, because Katie told me and it never occurred to me in a million years to question her on this matter, that a woman can travel pregnant any time before 32 weeks of pregnancy. At check in, three hours prior to departure, I mentioned that Katie is pregnant and asked if there was an upgrade available. No one inquired as to how far along she was and there was no suggestion that she might need formal doctor approval to travel.

So for the next three hours, time we could have used to obtain a doctor's note, we waited in ill-informed boredom to board the flight. We boarded. We took our seats. A few minutes before scheduled take off, Katie asked for an extra pillow, and pointed to her pregnant belly.

Instead of a pillow, the stewardess brought an airline official who asked how far along Katie was. Katie happily reported 28 weeks, thinking this resolved any concern. The next 15 minutes became an ugly time in our family history. I used words I regret. At one point I informed the airline official she would have to remove us from the plane in handcuffs. When she responded "that can be arranged" I realized I had been defeated.

I wanted us all to stay together, so I had us all deplane. Then there was intense discussion in the skyway. After a few more minutes, I decided to get me and the kids to Manila on time because they had school admissions interviews scheduled and it would be easier for one passenger to find an alternative flight than it would for five. I had thought the plane had in flight wifi and was willing to pay any price for it.

Back on the plane, still very angry, the kids were crying. We took off and I realized no in flight wifi. The next 16 hours with no way to know Katie's fate were incredibly stressful. Henry was great. "Dad, it's okay. I'll be okay without mom for a few days. Don't worry."

When we landed in Hong Kong, I had one thing on my mind: get off the plane fast, find wifi, find out how Katie was doing. I achieved that goal and found out that she was already in the air on another flight. I relaxed. I did my best to manage the kids' anxiety during the two-hour layover, and then we boarded the plane to Manila and I realized that, in my anxiety, I had left two carry-on bags on the previous plane from Boston, in Hong Kong.

The trip was cursed.

Meanwhile, an airport police officer had taken up Katie's cause in Boston and stayed by her side and argued her case through the entire ordeal. Cathay Pacific officials took excellent care of her, giving her lounge access, finding the soonest possible alternative flight, and blocking out an entire row for her on that flight. She was able to sleep almost the whole time, a much more comfortable flight than she would have had otherwise. She picked up our lost bags during her layover and was a mere 12 hours behind us.

Our housing is excellent. Beyond excellent really. We are blessed.

Now, if I could just shake the jet lag.

USA Summer, Boston Leg Update

As compared to Katie's debacle last year in which it took some 20 hours to fly from Boston to Charleston, CHS to BOS was happily uneventful this time. A thank you to Martha for greeting us at Logan Airport with blueberry muffins.

Boston has been a whirlwind of catching up with friends. A big thank you to James and Nikki for driving in from Schenectady to see us. Caleb, especially, enjoys visits from his Magic playing and Poke-walking Uncle James.

My summer enjoyment was thwarted when, on the first day of Disney World, I got word of complications with our Philippines visa application process. A perfect storm of mix ups and unusual circumstances led to us having only a few weeks to process a new passport (which usually takes a few weeks) and get Filipino visas (which can take up to a month). Happily, we then found a perfect storm of blessings and helpful employees at the State Department and the Philippines Consulate General of New York and all was fully resolved with a one-day train ride to the Big Apple.

This week, the kids are in camps: Maddie swimming, Henry soccer, Caleb all-around day camp. With departure to the Philippines only a few days away, anxiety is in the air.

Charleston Photo Update

Waiting for the fireworks 

Happy birthday, America!

Bad resolution pic of Caleb jumping in the foam pit as Henry looks on

A birthday cannoli for Papa J

In which Henry discovers that life jackets are also headrests