Katie's 40th, Happy Birthday to Me

I planned a lovely weekend getaway to Munich for Katie's 40th (which technically is still two days away). But so many things conspired against us. The new car arrived just in time, but then we discovered that the one guy in the Frankfurt region who is certified to inspect new American spec cars is on vacation until October.

German engineering? Yes. German efficiency? Meh.

I was prepared to rent a car, take the kids along with us, whatever it would take to not completely fail at delivering the promised birthday trip. But Katie talked me out of it. For the record, it was Katie's insistence!

So, instead of a Munich getaway, yesterday we went to a sports restaurant in downtown Frankfurt (with the kids) and watched a Bundesliga (soccer league) match featuring Eintracht Frankfurt and then went to Guardians of the Galaxy (which was gold, solid gold, you might say). Definitely Katie's best birthday ever, as far as I'm concerned.

Before you feel too bad for her, she did just get a brand new Toyota Highlander (it has 4 miles on it!) and has a trip to Monaco (no kids, or even husband) coming up in two weeks.

Mad Max

Some times I feel like Mel Gibson. No, not the contemporary drunk version. The Mad Max Road Warrior version.

Except instead of cruising a hot rod down the remote country roads of Australia, I'm sitting in economy class on an eight hour flight next to a guy with really smelly feet. But that's basically the same, right?

And instead of having epic battles with evil doers like Nightrider (or Naught Ridah, as they say down under) and Toecutter, I'm looking for waste, fraud, and abuse in government agencies. But that's like, totally the same as far as energy and excitement.

And instead of relaxing, after killing some baddies, on an exotic beach, I'm at the Residence Inn with free breakfast and wifi.

OK, so I'm nothing like Mad Max, except that I sympathize with him when he laments that the road is making him crazy and he just wants to get back to his family or he just might lose it.

Culture Shock

The kids all hit a rough patch of culture shock at the same time last week. But it isn't Germany culture shock, it's foreign service culture shock. The honeymoon phase of travelling around the world is over.

Now they are realizing that any new friend they make is just another difficult goodbye in a year or two. They are trying to figure out the meaning of their desire to go home when they can't even figure out where home is.

So we had some tears. We had some violence. We had some yelling. But I think we are close to moving into the acceptance phase.

On the bright side, we are very close to delivery of our new Toyota Highlander.

Upgrade

Going from a positive one to seven currency exchange rate to a negative one-and-a-half to one rate is a bit of an adjustment. Nevertheless, some items here are quite agreeably priced. For example, with the kids at school 45 minutes away, we decided it was time for Maddie and Caleb to have basic texting capability on simple cell phones.

However, once at the store, we discovered we could get such basic phones and accompanying plans for the same price as we could get them each an iPhone 5s. Thus, the spoiling of my children:

Caleb's iPhone 5s photographed by Maddie's iPhone 5s

And Henry is feeling quite left out.

I Love Germany

Our family fitness is way up since moving to Germany. And it is the good, organic kind of fitness. We're not working out, we're just getting out, way more, because we can and because it's fun. Riding bikes all over the place. Family basketball night (the neighborhood has a great 7-foot hoop for kids).

I walk to work listening to audio books and run home from work. I jogged all over town the other day just to explore and I never worried about riots or terrorists. It's the little things, you know? We ride our bikes to church. There are parks all over the place. I just love it. I don't even mind the super-over-the-top recycling rules.

I started wearing sweatshirts at night in Egypt some time around Thanksgiving. Sweatshirt season has  already arrived in Frankfurt, which is perfect because I love my Bill Belichik hoodie.

The one thing I really don't understand is the random phone numbers. Really, all this vaunted German engineering and yet phone numbers have anywhere from six to eleven digits. This makes me insane.

And the Photo

Bikes, Trains, and Strategic Memory

There was this one time, we bought new bikes for the whole family from a store way out on the west side of Frankfurt. Do you remember that? And remember how Henry had a bike coming in the shipment from Cairo, but seeing all the beautiful bikes, he really wanted one too so I told him that if he learned to ride the bike he wanted, I would buy it for him. So he learned how to ride a bike right there in the bike store. Remember?

Then we had to get five bikes home on the train because it was too far to ride in a city we didn't know with Henry who had just learned to ride. But do you remember how it was super hard to get the bikes onto the train and we thought it was going to leave with our bikes hanging out the door? That was awesome. But we made it on. But all the bikes kept rolling up and down the aisle because we couldn't hold on to them all and it was kind of stressful, but also kind of funny.

And remember how we split up with me and Caleb at one door, mom and Henry at the next, and Maddie at a third door, so we wouldn't get stuck all trying to get out the same door and maybe not all make it off at the same stop. But then we weren't sure if Maddie remembered how to push the button to open train doors in Frankfurt, because they don't automatically open. So we put down our bag of new helmets to make sure she knew how to do that. And she did.

And we all made it off the train at the same stop and were relieved, until we found out it was the wrong stop. And do you remember how the stop we got off at was about 8 flights of stairs underground and the elevator was broken? So me and mom carried five bikes up all those stairs and when we finally got out of the station we were totally lost because it was the wrong stop.

And remember how we were not only lost, but we were in the middle of the Roemer Festival with huge throngs of people crowding all around, so we could barely move, and we were dragging bikes, and kept getting separated, and I got mad at mom for no reason because I sometimes do that in such circumstances. And when we finally had some breathing room, and could ride the bikes, mom asked for the helmets and then I remembered they were still on the train. That part was especially epic.

And remember how it was totally dark by the time we finally got oriented and knew the way home and it was a two mile ride up hill the whole way and Henry had just learned to ride a bike that day? But then it got awesome because Henry led the way home and made it all the way riding like a pro and our new bikes are awesome and Frankfurt is awesome and we discovered that a kind of stressful night becomes epic family history by simply putting "do you remember that time when" in front of every sentence.

Frankfurt Has Less Dust

I am in Frankfurt. Katie and the kids are still in the US. So no wife or kids, but I am reunited with the cat, Tiger. So there's that. He apparently missed me because, when I am home, Tiger must be touching me at all times. Cute and endearing for, say, the first 10 minutes.

I basically get paid to be away from my family, so you'd think I would get used to it. I don't. And the last three days have felt like an especially long time. I think this is because I do not yet have Internet at the house. Imagine waking up and, surprise, you're in one of those movies like "Mr. Destiny" and it turns out your life was a dream and you're back in high school in the early 90s. Now you have to figure out how to, for example, call your best friend. Could you do it? Remember, you won't have the Internet or a cell phone. I mean, how did we live? Hmm, should I take an umbrella today? I guess have to check the...what? Check the what? How did we know? Anyway, sucks not having Internet.

I have been here long enough to notice that Germany is not like Egypt, at all, in any way, other than that humans reside in both places. I have been counting grains of sand since arriving here. So far I have seen three, all of which arrived with my boxes from Egypt. When they were discovered, a Hazmat team showed up and shipped them back to Egypt.

There is no garbage visible anywhere. The garbage receptacles are attractive and well organized. You have a different slot into which you must place different colors of glass for recycling. Never mind that once inside the slots, it is the same receptacle. You must place in item in the slot of the corresponding color. A rule for everything and everything by the rule.

The biggest driving hazard is that you will be hit by a biker. Whether you hit them or they hit you, the car is always at fault. Bikers own the road. All sidewalks are divided into the pedestrian side and the biker side. If you are silly enough to ambulate on the bike side, they will not swerve for you. One quick warning and then they will run you over and it will be your fault. 

Surf Camp

With apologies to Caleb, I kept missing him surf. They were far out and it was hard to identify them before it was too late. Maddie had the red wet suit, which facilitated the positive ID.

Beach Morning

Surf camp warm up

The Rental Car Issue

This has been the summer of rental cars, which we experienced thus:

1. Chevy Spark. It is sort of unfair to give this car-like vehicle a negative review because you get what you pay for and I was trying to be frugal. So I will focus on the positive: It was the best golf cart I've ever driven.
2. Chrysler 300. In this case I was not being frugal, so the car deserves all the negative sentiment that can possibly be ascribed to a car. This was the upgrade that wasn't, so I "downgraded" to the far superior Kia Soul. If you're going to create a media console user interface requiring Hammurabi's Code, the least you could do is give me an armrest for my elbow while I fiddle with the non-responsive touch screen. Alas, no armrest, on either side. What am I supposed to do, drive with my hands on the wheel?
3. Kia Soul. The highlight of the summer. I want to buy one. I called it the Harry Potter car because it is small on the outside and big on the inside. Loved it. And I didn't have to get a degree in deciphering craptastically designed media console user interfaces. It was just a radio and a reverse camera. Perfect.
4. Buick Enclave. Fine, I guess. But again, if I have to read the instructions to figure out a tech gadget, then that is a poorly designed tech gadget. Another super terrible user interface. Also ugly.
5. Toyota Rav4. Excites no passion but, man, super practical. Reverse cam yes! Traditional radio yes! Win, win.
6. GMC Acadia. See Buick Enclave. Luxurious in all the wrong places.

The take away: when I go shopping for a new car in a few weeks, my top priority will be to find one without a touch screen media console. Hate those. Seriously, what is the point? If I want that, I will just plug in my iPhone. I want a straight forward radio and a USB jack. The reverse cam is cool too. All the other junk is over-engineered junk. Did I say junk twice? Let me say it a third time: junk.