I Have ADD

I'm not being funny or ironic. I officially have it; professionally diagnosed. I take medication for it. I am sharing in this forum with a small audience in mind. Maybe this will be helpful to them. If it is of interest to others, bonus.

I don't really love talking about it. Of all the mental health problems out there, I feel like my ADD probably has the least stigma, yet it totally has a stigma. Such as when a potential employer, upon learning that I take medication, said to me, "We don't hire people like that." Or, less seriously, but still not awesome, when people casually comment about how ADD is a made up thing.

On that point, for the sake of conversation, let me concede that it is a "made up" thing. That said, college is a made up thing. Sitting in a classroom for eight hours a day as a child is a made up thing. Placement tests are made up things. Personality screens used by employers are made up things. All of those made up things systematically work against people who have brains that work like mine. So when I get diagnosed with "made up" ADD, and I can take medication that allows me to pass those screening tests and become gainfully employed, I am thankful. So I don't even care if it's made up. The diagnosis describes me accurately and the treatment is effective.

Seeking professional help, even if a formal diagnosis does not follow, is not a sign of moral weakness. Accepting a diagnosis, including the taking of medication, is not giving up.

Of all the books I've read in trying to understand my own condition and other issues in my family, I like The Explosive Child the best. The prescribed solutions are not even as useful as the underlying premise of the book: That we all want to be good and useful to society, just some of us are unable without extra help. It is so charitable. And really it applies to all of us, not just those with problems that put us on one spectrum or another. We all have difficulties we are trying to overcome.

Finally, to my fellow ADD afflicted, and those married to such, I recommend Brandi Carlile:

I am a sturdy soul
And there ain't no shame
In lying down in the bed you've made
Can you fight the urge to run for another day?
You might make it further if you learn to stay

National Lampoon's Subic Vacation

We wanted to get out of the city for a few days. Manila is a massive concrete jungle and with the baby, we hadn't yet had a chance to get to any of the world famous beaches of the Philippines.

All the top rated beaches, even though still in the same country, require either a boat or a plane ride from Manila. With the baby, we were hoping for just a reasonable road trip for our first time out. For various reasons, I had procrastinated the reservations. So the main resorts were all booked up. Thus, I looked for a house through Airbnb.

Based on conversations overheard here and there, I had Subic Bay in my head as a reasonable place to go within a few hours drive of Metro Manila. I booked a house that looked nice online and we headed out. Upon later reflection, I was able to recall that those overheard conversations said only that Subic Bay was "a place" that a person "could go." No actual recommendations.

The drive was  nice. No problems there. As we rounded a corner and made the final descent over the hills and into the bay, I started having my first apprehensions. We could finally see the water, and it was full of massive tankers.

We rounded another corner and were greeted by the sign: "Welcome to Olongapo Home of the Most Beautiful Women in the World." At first we found this charming. Before long, I was realizing less virtuous reasons a town might label itself thus. Think Bourbon Street, but less classy and totally impoverished.

We pulled in to our neighborhood and Katie just started laughing and saying, "It will be fine. It's totally fine. This is an adventure. This will be fine." Imagine that being said in a kind of hysterical, Shutter Island sort of way. If you've seen any films by Eli Roth, you should be able to imagine the neighborhood perfectly.

Our house was indeed nice. Once inside, it was totally nice. Our hosts met us. They were kind. They made some recommendations. The kids, very good sports, were eager to get to the beach. So we quickly settled in and then reloaded the car in beach mode and headed out.

At the beach, my pattern recognition radar sent up immediate warnings, but it took a few minutes to process and act. There were no families at this beach. There were no children, except mine. Up and down the beach there were middle-aged (and older) white males and young native females. No families. Huh, that's weird.

There was a party barge about 50 yards out in the water with a restaurant on it. My kids were just getting into the water near the barge when Katie asked me how they might flush the toilet on the barge. Indeed, I could see the barge had a bathroom. So I walked to the water and told the kids that the barge might be discarding human waste so let's move away and please, don't put your heads under water.

That's when I noticed that the water was black and viscous. I pondered that for a moment as we walked down the beach away from the barge. The kids got back in the water. I saw a sewage drain from a beachside hotel draining directly onto the beach, the sludge being absorbed by the sand. I looked down the beach from that sight and saw that the sub-sand sludge would be entering the bay exactly where my kids were swimming.

So I did a Google search on my phone of "can you swim in Subic Bay." When the results came up, I ran to the kids yelling, "Out! Everyone out right now!"

Oh, Internet. You only find what you Google for.

On the bright side, when we returned to our rented house, we discovered Settlers of Katan as the first board game the entire family loves to play together with minimal fighting. So that's a major win, frankly.

Next day, we tried a nearby water park in order to enjoy water while avoiding the bay. We were almost literally the only ones there. It was like one of those post-apocolypse movie scenes at the abondanded amusement park.

Here is the view from the top of the water slide ladder:

We enjoyed the slides. I still told them to keep their heads above water and mouths shut tight. We enjoyed the clean private beach area.

Here you can see the local kids, wearing their school uniforms, sitting on top of the rock watching my kids in the wave pool.

The kayak ride in the bay, below, ended it for me. It was a clear kayak, meaning I could see below. As I paddled through and over garbage, I just couldn't take it. We returned, earlier than planned, to Metro Manila.

Tim's Favorite Things 2016

Things I used for the first time, discovered, read, watched, experienced during 2016 that were totally awesome:

1. Bullet Journaling. Rediscover the joy of analog. I switched from Moleskine to Leuchturm and I am very happy with the switch.
2. Movies. 2016 was full of (mostly Disney) movies I love.
1. Finding Dory. Average in many ways, but I loved the idea of absent parents leaving clues to help us find our way home when we get lost in the big ocean of life. Love, love, love.
2. The Jungle Book. "The strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack."
3. Moana. What a great theme: Looking backward to our ancestors gives us courage to move forward and explore. Truth!
4. Fantastic Beasts. A hero without muscles, Newt Scamander wins with kindness and quiet persistence.
3. The smell of baby powder and Dreft. Having a baby again is so awesome.
4. The Man of La Mancha. So, I saw this 20 years ago, but listened to the soundtrack this week for the first time since then, and discovered this musical only has meaning when you reach age 40. My new favorite. Now I have to read Don Quixote.

Christmas Pics

Warning: Intended for grandparental audiences; others view at your own boredom risk.

Henry with new Pokemon game for 3DS, and reindeer antlers.

Michael observes and plots for greater participation next year.

These are so-called "gaming" headphones, designed to be worn comfortably for many hours.

So many more gifts and we are thankful for all, but didn't want to post a pic of literally every item.

I Walked in Manila Today

We have a driver. I feel like I could end the post with just that sentence. Think about that. I, Tim Hart, totally ordinary kid from Idaho with a modest government salary, have a personal driver. So the economics of Manila are nuts.

So my driver was driving me to work this morning. Katie needed him back earlier than usual for appointments she had. Traffic, always a nightmare, was worse than usual. We were completely stopped, half way to the embassy. So I made the call: I'm getting out. Driver, go get Katie. And I walked the last two kilometers.

You see things when walking that you miss when driving. You smell things. You feel things. Homelessness in America is usually an individual thing. In Manila, on the busiest avenue, it is a multi-generational family affair. I observed families washing, eating, playing together. On the highway. So the economics of Manila are nuts.

I don't have problems. If I ever imagine that I have problems, please punch me directly in the face.

Hey, I'm 40, Yo

Just turned 40. So now I get to pretend like I've learned some things and that they are worth passing on to others in a blog.

If we practice gratitude, disappointments can reveal a sense of purpose.

The secret to progress is rhythm. The longer you keep a similar rhythm of life, the more your mind will come up with natural and easy improvements to efficiency and effectiveness.

But too long in the same rhythm is stagnation, and you'll get depressed. So do something wacky every now and then.

In the professional world, we are all replaceable. So we distinguish ourselves primarily through loyalty and effort.

And a rant: The longer I spend in professional life, the more convinced I am that there is maybe $1 trillion of hidden value waiting to be unlocked in our economy but hiring managers are too lazy and too lacking in creativity to understand how and where to look for real talent. Like this LinkedIn article (link) in which a hiring manager tells about this laziness and lack of creativity and tells everyone to adjust accordingly instead of telling hiring managers to stop being bad at their job. This is the opposite of Liz Wiseman's Multipliers, which is my new favorite corporate leadership book.

My business partner and I were hiring an administrative assistant years ago. We received many resumes from former and current administrative assistants and one resume from a restaurant kitchen manager. My partner threw the kitchen manager out immediately. But I said, wait a minute, what do we know about restaurant kitchen managers? She receives urgent instructions delivered without regard for politeness, she deals with angry people, she delivers urgent instructions, she manages (in her head) a hundred micro-details about patron dishes and keeps it all straight. This is exactly the skill set we need. Let's interview her. We eventually hired her and she was perfect for the job. Plus she was more grateful and therefore more loyal. I changed careers but she is still working for my former partner 9 years later.

Facebook Gone Wild (and Some Photos)

I first posted this with an intro about some weird Facebook interactions I had after the election. I don't want to perpetuate that stuff. So I deleted those paragraphs. Just watch this funny SNL skit: The Bubble.

In terms of items of interest to family and friends, in addition to things pictured below, Madeline swam the anchor leg of a school-record setting swim relay. So that's awesome. She replaced another swimmer who was sick, and the other swimmer's name is on the record. So I'm going to fight that one.

Michael loves watching the Patriots (also, please note that we now have a custom-made media center to replace this silly table)

Veterans Day and The Next President

I visited the Manila American Cemetery yesterday to honor Veterans Day. It is a quiet and reverent sanctuary in the middle of bustling Metro Manila. I was surprised by my emotional response. I cried. Tears rolling down my face cried.

I thought about our recent election. All of these tombstones to secure our freedom. Freedom to protest. Protest is cool. I disagree with Mr. Kaepernick, but I appreciate his approach. It is peaceful and powerful. I am struggling with these election protests, however. When I consider what they are protesting, that the election worked as intended but they would rather force their candidate upon the country, I just don't like it. I don't like these protests. I'm not angry. I don't hate the protestors. I think they are wrong.

Rows and rows of tombstones. They gave their life. All I have to do is accept a president for whom I did not vote. It is my honor to accept him as my president.

Learning Is Perfect

I like looking at Michael. He is becoming more aware of the world around him. Every now and then, there is an expression on his face that says, "I just learned something new about the world." Then I wonder what he might have learned. This wondering makes me more thankful for colors, lights, trees, seasons, astral bodies, the smell of baby powder.

He has brought such peace to our family. He makes sense. Life can be complicated and sometimes hard to understand. But Michael makes sense.

He is perfect. Not perfected, but perfect. He learns. It is what he does. He can't help it. Learning is perfect. His learning sometimes takes place at 1 am, and again at 3 am. His learning taxes our physical stamina. But can I criticize him? Obviously no. Learning is perfect.

Then I think of my other kids. Teenage learning taxes emotional stamina, but can I really criticize? My Gramma Fairbourne once said, "I like teenagers. They are figuring out who they are." Michael is learning about place in the world while they are learning about their place in the world. They are learning. It is what they do. Learning is perfect.

Then I think of myself. I have accumulated a nice collection of insecurities and self-incriminations. Do I deserve them? As long as I am learning, no. I look at Michael and I let it all go. I am learning. Learning is perfect.

And sleep. Sleep is perfect.

Bucket o' Baby Pics

Moments after. Katie is amazing.

What do you do with it?

Leaving hospital

On Being An Old New Dad

Don't worry, there are lots of pics below. First, I like being an old(er) new dad. I really had no idea what I was doing when the first three were born, approximately 8 thousand years ago.

As I was explaining to Madeline last night, it is kind of unfair that she was raised by a low skill (if always well intentioned) father while Michael will be raised by a journeyman practitioner. Alas, the skills have been gained at great expense and effort--with so much yet to be learned! As Liz Wiseman would say, I'm working on my rookie smarts.

One thing that is, sadly, obvious as I look back at my 12 years of parenting is how easy it would be to never gain skills. I have typed, posted, re-typed, deleted, un-posted several follow up sentences to this thought. I keep deleting and changing as I realize just how different every family circumstance is. So, while I have lost all the cleverness of my first attempt, let me just say that my experience has been to feel powerful parenting peer pressure to double down on techniques that had already been ineffective for my family, thereby accepting an assumption that the problem was with my kids and not with the techniques, and thus to gain no parenting skills.

Accordingly, if there are any readers of this blog who might yet be persuadable, please understand that 1-2-3 Magic is not a brilliant parenting book. Maybe it works for some people, in which case, great. In my case, I felt like it worked contrary to all my instincts and put me in constant childish ego battles with my kids. It basically assumes that children are evil monkeys who must be (A) coerced into accepting that whatever vision the all-knowing grown ups around them have for their lives is perfect and non-negotiable, and (B) trained like dogs to follow that vision precisely.

Do you know what I'm not worried about this time? Whether and for how long the kid sleeps in my bed. Seriously, I just don't care where the kid sleeps.

In addition, the economics have improved. I work for the government, of course, so we're not rich, but we've gotten ourselves comfortable. Aside from braces, which are just a total budget killer, just about anything we really want can be obtained after a few months of thoughtful planning (assuming we don't want a Ferrari). That was certainly not always true.

And we now have a cat.

And having older kids go through this experience with us is like seeing it all with fresh eyes for the first time. I love it.

Katie was super human in the delivery room. Hours after giving birth she was telling me I looked tired and suggesting I get some rest. She's cute that way. However, Katie has not yet approved publication of any post-birth pictures of her.

Here is Michael William: