I have written, complained, waxed about the loneliness. Strangely, I have grown accustomed to that, just like everyone said I would. I was afraid to get used to being away, but it happened.
Part of getting used to it was exercising to relieve the stress. My resting heart rate when I arrived in Pakistan was 84. It is now 64 (give or take a few palpitations). I have saved my heart 10 million beats a year. This has to have extended my life expectancy.
On a spiritual level, I have internalized what I have long claimed to know: that my primary opportunity for joy comes from my role as husband and father. All this other stuff--the SUV, the Allen Edmund shoes, iPads, professional achievement--is cool and worthwhile, but only as a derivative of building relationships that facilitate growth, teach values, yield charity.
With 10 million beats, perhaps I am adding more time with my family on the back end than I am losing in the present. More time to continue teaching and building. Alas, the time is as a dream.
A former boss often commented on the "apparent acceleration of time." The future is racing toward me. My Nike Vomero's and I are taking it head on. Running to live long. Running to live well.
Part of getting used to it was exercising to relieve the stress. My resting heart rate when I arrived in Pakistan was 84. It is now 64 (give or take a few palpitations). I have saved my heart 10 million beats a year. This has to have extended my life expectancy.
On a spiritual level, I have internalized what I have long claimed to know: that my primary opportunity for joy comes from my role as husband and father. All this other stuff--the SUV, the Allen Edmund shoes, iPads, professional achievement--is cool and worthwhile, but only as a derivative of building relationships that facilitate growth, teach values, yield charity.
With 10 million beats, perhaps I am adding more time with my family on the back end than I am losing in the present. More time to continue teaching and building. Alas, the time is as a dream.
A former boss often commented on the "apparent acceleration of time." The future is racing toward me. My Nike Vomero's and I are taking it head on. Running to live long. Running to live well.
4 comments:
I just want to thank you for putting to words what I feel. Granted, the main difference between you and I is that you have tangible people that you can account to your loneliness. I yet have that benefit. I just know that there is a whole were other people, lessons, and opportunities should be. And trying to fill that whole with less important relationships only work for so long.
Thanks again for sharing.
I just spent a half hour going back and reading your blog posts for the past six months to reconstruct how you got where you are. It was a very sweet read! In particular, I enjoy hearing about how much you miss your kids, because I think lots of dads feel that way but rarely express it so poignantly. it is hard to feel like time is getting away from you. I hope you get to see the family soon.
And, as an aside: Tim! You're in Pakistan! And moving to Egypt next year! You're living my dream! Katie has invited me to come visit sometime in the next four years. So, prepare for houseguests. :)
I just spent a half hour going back and reading your blog posts for the past six months to reconstruct how you got where you are. It was a very sweet read! In particular, I enjoy hearing about how much you miss your kids, because I think lots of dads feel that way but rarely express it so poignantly. it is hard to feel like time is getting away from you. I hope you get to see the family soon.
And, as an aside: Tim! You're in Pakistan! And moving to Egypt next year! You're living my dream! Katie has invited me to come visit sometime in the next four years. So, prepare for houseguests. :)
Thank you guys for the kind feedback. Yes, Brook, please come see us in Cairo.
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